“The burger isn’t people. In fact, it isn’t even meat. It’s all processed vegetables,” claims UC Sunnydale student and witch Willow Rosenberg. “Isn’t that weird?” she adds.
Not people? We know, right? We’re as shocked as anyone. With suspicious appendages just lying around willy-nilly and the employees looking like the most lethargic of brain-eating zombies, dark, nefarious recipes seemed only par for the course.
But, in the days following Ms. Rosenberg’s discovery, Doublemeat Palace Store Manager Lorraine Ross was overheard confirming said allegations herself (albeit through audio procured by uncitable sources):
“It’s a formed and texturized, vegetable-based, meat-like product, suitable for grinding. It’s blended with large amounts of rendered beef fat for flavor.”
Former Doublemeat employee Buffy Summers encapsulated our reaction perfectly, “Wait. The secret ingredient in the beef is . . . beef?”
So, now you too have some very powerful information. Below is the leaked Doublemeat patty recipe in its entirety. How you use it is up to you. Just be sure to keep an eye out for lamprey demons; they’ve got the taste for doublemeat-infused flesh.
1 16-ounce can of plain black beans
½ bell pepper, chopped
½ onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, chopped
1 tbsp chili powder
1 tbsp cumin
1 teas hot sauce
½ cup gluten-free breadcrumbs
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Drain, wash, and strain the black beans.
3. In a medium bowl, mash the black beans then set aside.
4. On lightly greased baking sheet, roast the chopped bell peppers, onions, and garlic.
5. Remove from oven when they are browned and tender.
6. Mix together mashed beans with roasted veggies. A kitchen-aid works wonders, but you can also use a blender if you want a smoother patty.
7. In a separate bowl, combine the egg with the spices and hot sauce.
8. Slowly add the liquid mixture to the veggie mixture and combine until it reaches an even consistency.
9. Sprinkle in the breadcrumbs and mix to your desired texture.
10. Form mixture into roughly 4 patties.
11. Grill, bake, or sauté to your heart’s content.
12. Enjoy with vampire, lamprey, and human friend alike.
This post is courtesy of the talented chefs at Garlic, My Soul! Be sure to stop by their website to see posts like this one and many more!
In addition and as a special treat for Buffy the Vampire Slayer fans, the good folks at the Writers Guild Foundation provided Fanboy Comics with official script pages from the "Doublemeat Palace" episode (generously donated by Buffy writer Jane Espenson), which may be found below (as well as in the Writers Guild Foundation's Library Catalog).